just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize