I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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