You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize