Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
