I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
