She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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