I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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