he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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