You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
