that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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