dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
