youre lurking in front of me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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