Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
