Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
