Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just had sex on a roof
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize