we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The air taste purple.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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