What a fucking waste of an outfit
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
BRING THE BAGELS
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
