when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
