So drunk its hurt
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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