I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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