He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I lost the right to judge tonight
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
