You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
