what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
