Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
