I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
