i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
