The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
