i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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