mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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