If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
