we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
