I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
