So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
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