I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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