It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
