The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
