I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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