ugly people sure do ruin things
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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