Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
