i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
