My nipple is on Facebook.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
