Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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