You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
