i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
