Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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