go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
