Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
