god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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