i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
