come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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