I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
