my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
