ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize