i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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