Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize