i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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