Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
