last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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