I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
