I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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