Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
