We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
