i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
