But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
