Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
whose ass print is on the piano?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
