They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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