Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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