he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize