she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
