I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
