This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize