I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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