My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
