The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize