Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
