Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
