Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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