Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off

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(631): View more from New York

i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick

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(415): View more from California

From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"

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(530): View more from California

There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.

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(303): View more from Colorado

One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.

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