There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
