If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize