That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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