There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
