Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
