How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize