Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
