what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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