how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
